Rule 6: Never wear sunglasses

I was blessed with really good teachers throughout my years in school. In fact, I think I only had one teacher that I didn’t learn much from. She wore sunglasses every day. Inside. And it scared me.

As an adult, I’m sure that teacher had light-sensitive eyes and that she was probably very knowledgeable. But as a child I never knew where she was looking or whether she was looking at me. I never liked going to that class and was always glad to leave it. Now I know that what that situation lacked was basic trust.

And what is practice if it’s not a class? And who am I if I’m not a teacher? And what can I accomplish without trust? 

I want every player I coach to feel exactly the opposite from the way I felt then so now I squint on the brightest days. I want them to see my eyes, know that I’m looking at them, and feel that I’m intensely involved in their lives for that practice or game.

Rule 5: It’s impossible to kick yourself

Well, it’s not actually impossible to kick yourself, but it’s hard to do it very well.

Think about it. You could take a pretty good swing and smack your ankle or your calf or your rear end. Okay, maybe someone especially flexible could manage to do some damage somehow. I don’t know.

What I do know is that when I hear someone say, “she’s kicking herself for that last play,” I know that what’s really happening is a waste of energy, figurative or not.

Since you can’t kick yourself why spend time trying?

Rule 4: It’s the next ball that counts

Players enter each game with a fixed amount of energy.

It takes energy to be angry over something you didn’t do well. It takes energy to dwell on a missed shot. It takes energy to worry about a goal given up.

And all of that energy is wasted on something that can’t be changed.

“Think about the next ball,” I say, “not the last one.” You can change what happens next.

Rule 3: You get knocked down, but you get up again

I made the high school soccer team when I was a freshman. It was easier then because soccer really wasn’t a popular sport to play. Today, the competition is much more intense.

Some of your players probably won’t make it. They’ll want to, badly, but they won’t quite have the skills, or the fitness, or the speed to make the team they want so much to be a part of. It’s tough to witness broken hearts when those same hearts have always given your team (and you) everything they have.

But you need to seize this opportunity and teach that rising up from disappointment can build character that will last a lifetime. It’s hard to explain this concept to someone who is fourteen years old, but it will be absolutely true in every aspect of their lives. And you know it. You’ve been there.

This is the time to learn discipline and dedication to a goal. They have seen where their abilities might be lacking and you can help them focus on changing that evaluation in a positive way. You can convert moderately focused practice players into the most dedicated contributors on your team.

Commit yourself to helping them achieve their goals and ask, no require, that they do the same. Be there for them. Look them in the eyes and smile. Believe in them and give them good, hard, honest feedback so that they trust what you are saying.

Not making the team will shake their confidence to the core. Re-focusing their attention on improvement and being dedicated to their goals will build confidence that cannot be shaken again.

The longer you work with players the more likely it will be that they get knocked down. Hard. But they can get up again, and that’s what you can teach them.

Rule 2: Never Tolerate Unsporting Behavior

In soccer, unsporting behavior can result in a free kick for the other team and even a red card and an expulsion. But, it's often not seen by the referee and even occurs in practice. Some might say that if it's not called then it doesn't matter. As long as it doesn't put your team at a disadvantage, just let it go.

Why wait for the disadvantage? If you see it, deal with it. The first time, every time. Your players should know that you expect them to be good sports and to play by the rules. Your players should know that you care about doing it well and doing it right.

In a recent game, one of my players tripped a player on purpose to keep her opponent from attacking the goal. It was a subtle and undetected move that she had learned on another team. The rest of the girls were watching for my reaction, but it would have been the same regardless. "You kept her from scoring, that's true," I said, "but don't ever do that again while you are on this team."

Be consistent and unequivocal on this one. If you have to play unfairly to win then you haven't really won at all.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Rule 1: It’s not about you

If you didn’t know I was the coach of my teams you probably wouldn’t guess it. During games especially, I quietly observe what is happening and give feedback to the players not on the field or to individuals as they come off. I rarely raise my voice except when I think the kids are lagging and need a power boost.

Don’t get me wrong. I care about winning intensely. But more importantly, I care about the success of my team and each individual as much as any coach.

But I know this: every parent on the sideline is there to see their daughter get opportunities to perform well. Games are a time for players to perform. All of the yelling, positioning, reminding we can do from the sideline only serves to distract. The time to teach is at practice and when the girls are catching their breath on the sideline.

I may be wrong, but it strikes me that the loudest coaches are the ones that are somehow trying to draw attention to themselves. Maybe they are trying to relive their time in youth sports or to make up for lost opportunity somewhere along the line. I don’t really know.

Yes, I wish my senior year in high school had not included being shut out eight times in ten games and only scoring two goals as a team all season. But that was my chance, and now, as coach, it’s my job to help my players make the best of their chances.

There is tremendous opportunity for personal satisfaction in youth sports coaching. But first and foremost your goal should be to make it about them.